Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Im just a social blackout drinker.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Randomize
