I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
