Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Where are you guys?
Drunk
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