My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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