Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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