Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
