I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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