That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Randomize
