You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
