I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
