I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
My breasts were aching with rage.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Randomize
