There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
