I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no