"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Randomize
