I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
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