when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out