Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.