Texts From Last Night

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  (732): View more from New Jersey

  Anal astronaut?

  (847): View more from Illinois

  Wow word travels fast.

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  (732): Anal astronaut? (847): Wow word travels fast. http://tfl.nu/to7g
  Replies (2) Good night (2493) Bad night (782)
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  (703): View more from Virginia

  BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.

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  (703): BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP. http://tfl.nu/bqsy
  Replies (20) Good night (1011) Bad night (6538)
• Favorite

  (306): View more from Saskatchewan

  So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".

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  (306): So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation". http://tfl.nu/h2mq
  Replies (85) Good night (3509) Bad night (40024)
• Favorite

  (845): View more from New York

  They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.

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  (845): They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids. http://tfl.nu/mgv1
  Replies (48) Good night (1623) Bad night (5695)
• Favorite

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.

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  (617): He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up. http://tfl.nu/h2lf
  Replies (23) Good night (8299) Bad night (5050)
• Favorite

  (386): View more from Florida

  I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve

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  (386): I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve http://tfl.nu/p2o3
  Replies (9) Good night (2729) Bad night (795)
• Favorite

  (541): View more from Oregon

  Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.

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  (541): Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night. http://tfl.nu/209g
  Replies (3) Good night (1910) Bad night (817)
• Favorite

  (828): View more from North Carolina

  If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?

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  (828): If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me? http://tfl.nu/3q2x
  Replies (5) Good night (2448) Bad night (830)
• Favorite

  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.

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  (570): He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall. http://tfl.nu/bycp
  Replies (17) Good night (1590) Bad night (695)
• Favorite

  (954): View more from Florida

  in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.

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  (954): in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume. http://tfl.nu/xcgb
  Replies (8) Good night (3470) Bad night (608)
• Favorite

  (906): View more from Michigan

  It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.

  (1-906): View more from Michigan

  Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.

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  (906): It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar. (1-906): Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill. http://tfl.nu/e2gb
  Replies (8) Good night (1519) Bad night (617)
• Favorite

  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.

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  (401): He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate. http://tfl.nu/dyap
  Replies (1) Good night (773) Bad night (382)
• Favorite

  (352): View more from Florida

  Do you have paint?

  (727): View more from Florida

  Paint? I wish

  (727): View more from Florida

  OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING

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  (352): Do you have paint? (727): Paint? I wish (727): OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING http://tfl.nu/qyml
  Replies (2) Good night (915) Bad night (428)
• Favorite

  (913): View more from Kansas

  The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"

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  (913): The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual" http://tfl.nu/c1s6
  Replies (1) Good night (792) Bad night (234)
• Favorite

  (920): View more from Wisconsin

  I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.

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  (920): I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence. http://tfl.nu/l65g
  Replies (1) Good night (292) Bad night (200)

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