Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
