i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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