To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
