i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
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