Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
