Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Randomize
