I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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