maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Randomize
