also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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