i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Randomize
