It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
you didnt know i had herpes?
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
