Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
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