I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
