when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
