So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Come see our sink grown plant.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I'm getting married
To pizza
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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