Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
