It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
You coming home soon, man?
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?