allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god