Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
These Dirty People Haven’t Told Their SO About Their Kinky Fetish
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
This is Why People Stop Sex Halfway Through
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.