I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.