I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
