Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
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