fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
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