So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
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