we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
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You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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