Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Randomize
