That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
