Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Randomize
