I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Randomize
