What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
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when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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