Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Randomize
