I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
