Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Say something about gay babies.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
