Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
we're making bets on your personal life
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Randomize
