im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
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