Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
You're so nebulous sometimes
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
