Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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