tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
you will always have a special place in my vag
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
