i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
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