I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
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