Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
