I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
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