fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
and you fell through a lawn chair
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
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