called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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