I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Randomize