Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
