Soap is not a condiment
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Randomize
